Not, quite, sure?

Have you ever felt like what you do doesn't matter, not like what you are probably thinking, I mean like you aren't doing shit with your life to better society or make others feel better, I guess I'm getting some kind of empathy syndrome, I need to stop caring about people or something.

I mean every time someone makes me feel like shit, something else comes along and makes me feel like shit for feeling like shit about something stupid, I don't know what to think any more.

So basically I was watching this guy's video blogs.

http://youtube.com/profile?user=ghostwise

Really makes me, feel like shit. Like everything I do is totally meaningless, I mean this guy lives every day in a wheel chair, his story makes every problem accumulated in my life seem like nothing, and then I start thinking, there are other people all over the world who's lives suck.

Enough about that.

I finally have a job lined up, I have an interview tomorrow, but according to my grandma, I already have the job through connections, along with Dylan.

I've been researching the Virginia Tech Shooting allot, I don't know why, I guess it's just very interesting to read about people going crazy. The guy's videos are pretty creepy, I try to imagine what it must have been like for the people in the school, it's really sad and scary.

I think I'm done for now, I don't want too many long entries.

The lights are coming up.

I've been spending this whole day, contemplating, thinking about everything and every decision I have to make.

Life can be such a mess sometimes. I was thinking about what I wanted to do for school, If I really wanted to go and learn music, or if I wanted to draw, I'm still uncertain, I'm passionate about both, but they both frustrate me so much.

I've been listening to allot of music lately, mainly blonde redhead, which is one of my favorite bands and some pinback. I've been on a huge Indie kick, I guess thats my favorite style of music, but I'm sure I'll change my mind.

http://www.myspace.com/tributeblonderedhead
http://www.myspace.com/pinback

I watched part of Slither tonight, It was the worst fucking movie ever. I've also been playing a bit more Guilty Gear. I think I might write some lyrics tonight, I've had allot on my mind, I'm just afraid nothing is going to appear.

I just took some congestion medicine, I have a cold, so I'll probably fall asleep before I can even come up with anything.

State of the Union.

I'm not really sure how to start this.

Over the past few months, my life has really evened out into nothing.
I have no car, no job, no girlfriend and I'm not in school, don't get me wrong though, I've been pretty happy.

I've been pretty much doing nothing and I know that I shouldn't be doing this.
I guess the point of this blog Is to document my status of having nothing really going for me
and seeing if I can turn that around, maybe turn nothing into something great.

So, to begin on a good note, I've recently took it upon my self to learn how to play the piano, I've composed music "digitally" personally for a few years, but I've never really known how to play, what I would consider My favorite Instrument.

I've learned allot, I've learned to read sheet music, I know all of the keys on a piano, and I can play a few parts with my left hand. I've been mainly focusing on playing video game music, seeing as I'm more familiar with that, than something like Bach.

I'm sure I'll get even better, and I plan on posting about my studies here.

I've also been trying to find work so I can go to school, I've only applied at Burger King and T.J. Max, terrible jobs, but worth it. Hopefully when I start working a bit, I'll get to working on Break Free, which is supposed to be kind of like an organization that sells t-shirts and donates 50% of the money to Charity, the other 50% to more shirts, so it's like an endless cycle, doubt I'll ever do it, but it's nice to think about.

Alright, I'm done punishing you, I'll write another blog tomorrow.